Monday, November 21, 2005 / 11:17 PM
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hm..today had band pract...was super late...8.30 muz reach sch..but i reached sch at 8.41am..hehe..i wanted to take cab..but no cab..and lynn jie saw me..n i saw her in the silver cab..lol wt...=X..anyway, nvm..first time late..=X...everytime oso 8.30 reach sch de...lol...
den...band pract lor...nth much...den lunch...went out wif nisa,maylee,sherman,sin hui and lynn...den..had lunch at bukit merah..den..when goin back...saw ms hasina..SUAI!..haiz..those ppl wif me will noe wad had happened...haiz...anyway, had to crack my brain to solve it...haiz...=(....
well..den...after band...borrowed my instru...den...hmm...went off lor..wif nisa,lynn,may lee, sin hui and pei mun...den reached le...den i went off..mum wans me to go home str. away to bathe and change and meet her at suntec den go dinner/..=X...den go home..bathe...change..den rushed out..haha
reached suntec...den...bla bla bla...got my mum's friends oso...oso i close de..den my aunty and uncle and cousins and gfs...lol...den...hmm...den went 4 dinner at hotal quality...yeah...very far...haa...but had a great dinner there...it's vegetarian lor..but very nice la...haa...very expensive oso....my mum treated everyting...2 hundred plus plus plus...=X...anyway, after tt, went home lor..but my mum went wif my aunty, uncles and friends to coffee shop at kim tian to chat...haa..reached home..hmm...looked thru the pieces...haiz..stress...stress...stress..tink of pieces..really very stress...haiz...today teach juniors already can vomit blood...haiz...
den...nxt yr recruitment tingy...arhhh!!!!=X...kill myself...kill me..can any1 kill me...i found tt..nth is worth 4 me to live on anymore...reallly..i really hate myself alot...if i could bear to leave my friends, the band, i will transfer school..really...=(...ehh..i hate myself nt coz of the recruitment tingy..is coz of other tings...haiz...
i've really changed alot frm pri sch to sec schs...well....i once...promised myself..to go back to my pri sch style..but..i really cant...i dunno y...sth is blockin me frm doin so...i really dunno y...i dun even noe wad the 'ting' is...haiz...
i juz feel like jumping down frm my hse...haiz...i seems to be happy outside..but nt inside...i dunno y...haiz...can i juz forget everyting...except academic side...and start a new story of mine...can i juz haf an accident which i hit my brain and i forget everyting?can I?
after hearing wad i had heard, i really really tink very thoroughly...y i became lidat?
well...sumtimes...i asked myself..isit right to join band?isit right to come to henderson?henderson isnt my dream sch...my dream sec sch is a sch wif CO...i dunno anyting abt BAND...but...coz hss dun haf CO, so i give myself sum challenges...to join band...but i sumhow regretted it in sum ways...
i regretted..the most in band...is...accepted sir's "invitation" to join sax sect..when im goin very fine in percussion last yr...i love percussion...i was a percussionist 4 3 yrs in pri sch as a CO member...i love it alot...but...when sir pulled me away frm the section during sectional, and when he asked me whether can i join sax sect...well...i really really really wanted to say "NO!"...but..tt time i was juz sec 1s...do u tink i dare?rebecca dun dare..i dun dare oso...i really cried...rebecca cried...and so did percussion ex-SL...yayun...i really regretted it...
after syf, sir asked me..whether i wan to go back..i wanted to say YES..but...i found tt...if i go back, i aint helpin percussion at all...n i aint helpin sax sect at all..and i aint helpin sir at all...im juz givin troubles...i think 4 very long...infact, sir asked me more den 10 times...but..i didnt reply him...in the end, i decided to stay...yesh...i admitted...i dun wan to stay...coz my playin sucks...i really sucks...i sucks to the core!compared to the previous batch..im really sucks!...but..do i haf a choice?i dun haf it...i haf to sacrifice it...i've no choice at all...0%...totally 0%!
im sick of tired of being a SL...im really sick and tired of it...other sections like no prob...y...my sections..so many problems/?i dunno y...i faced alot of insulting words...well...i dun mind at all...i really dun mind..but..the only ting i mind is...well...anyway, dun say is the best..keep it to myself..
WHY must i have so many involvement in sch?AS a prefect...im already cracking my brain like hell...to study real hard...and...maintain my standard on my academic side...sum ppl tend to tink tt...prefects means nth...why dont those ppl try being a prefect?they tend to insult prefects...they tend to dislike prefects..well...why dont those ppl try to be a prefect and try tackling those attitude students....WE, as prefects, need to follow wad the head say...if we dun do it, we will kana...NOT the students...
den...as a SL in band...my juniors always complain abt me as im too naggy to dem...hey..i really feel like scoldin dem...i've been very lenient to dem since the day i took over frm li mei...i seldom scold dem...i want to tell dem..to go see clar and flute sect...see how the seniors train the juniors...i've been havin a bad bad bad "headache" in my section/..im concerned abt dem..the way they are performin makes me damn worried...they are depending on seniors..and..i did tell dem...dun depend on seniors...well...as frm today onwards, i've promised myself...to make the section to be strict...well...the best ting is...sirs dun blame on me coz my juniors cant play...well..although dey dun blame on me, i blamed on myself...they dun blame on me is coz..mayb..they can see tt im having a very hard time...im the only senior in the sect..the other two seniors went overseas...n..i've to tackle 3 juniors at one time...it's really very very very difficult to do it...i dun even haf the time to pract on the pieces...but..i dun really mind...coz...i can take 2 weeks or 1 mth to pract on the pieces and tackle it...but...im really worried 4 the juniors...CONCERT is juz nxt yr..n those pieces aint easy...fate of the gods, overture jubiloso etc etc etc...we are playin postcard too...and..postcard need lots of air!....4 sax part la...haiz...im really very very very worried la...i really dunno wad to do..the only ting is...i can only teach dem..and...the rest is by their individuals effort...and...i can only give a asst SL post to one of my sec 1s...i've one gal in my head...but...haiz...dunno wad to do...how i wish...i could juz haf 1 post...asst recruit ic...tt's all...really..tt's all!
ARGHHHH!!!!
yes, you know i'm watching you.
